


There's no other way

by AssassinatedBeauty



Category: Blur (Band)
Genre: 1990s, AU where damon never met justine, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anorexia, Bulimia, Cocaine, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Hangcliff ending, Heroin, Hurt, M/M, Painkillers, Purging, Sad, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-04-28 12:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14449113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssassinatedBeauty/pseuds/AssassinatedBeauty
Summary: Graham is broken and Damon wants to fix him





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in 1994

Damon was in love with Graham. He really just wanted to wrap his arms around him never let him go.  
Graham was perfect to Damon. He was pretty,smart,funny,sweet and talented.  
Damon was always nervous that he Graham wouldn't find him attractive. Which is all Damon really wanted.  
So he became bulimic.  
He'd eat normally so nobody would suspect anything. Then he'd throw it all up. Damon had already lost enough weight for members of the band to ask if he was getting sick.  
He'd always smile and say no.  
He wanted to completely hide his issues.  
He wanted to be perfect for Graham and he thought if Graham knew he had an eating disorder he'd think less of him.  
One day he was staring at Graham practing his guitar in the living room. Completely captivated by his beauty. Then Graham walked to the kitchen and got out a bottle of vodka. He poured himself 2 glasses.  
And 4 more.  
Damon couldn't believe it. They weren't small glasses either. Graham was pouring the vodka in big drinking glasses to the very top. Damon grabbed Grahams arm and asked him why he was drinking so much.  
Graham said that he had something to confess to Damon.  
He's had become an alcoholic.  
Damon almost burst into tears. In a panic he yanked the bottle of vodka from Graham and poured it out in the sink. He expected Graham to scream and get violent or cry. Graham simply walked to his room and locked the door.  
Damon simply assumed he went to go pass out from all the vodka.  
But then he wonderd why he'd locked the door.  
He knocked on the door asking Graham what he was doing. Graham, with a shaky voice said that he wasn't doing anything.  
Damon instantly knew something was wrong. He asked Graham to open the door but he refused. Damon sighed and kicked the door open.  
Graham was cutting himself. Graham looked shocked and tried to hide the razor but Damon cold clearly see it in the palm of his hand.  
Damon fought so hard not to cry. He took Graham to the bathroom and cleaned and bandaged his arm. He walked Graham to the living room and sat him down on the couch. He took off Grahams baggy sweater so he could keep an eye on Grahams arms to make sure he didn't hurt himself again.  
Graham was skinny.  
Not in a healthy way. His arms were twiggy and his collar bones were on full display. His waist was tiny.  
Damon then realised that Graham hadn't been eating.  
Graham told everyone he hadn't felt good.  
Damon felt like such an idiot. He had been using the exact same excuse.  
Damon sat down next to Graham and asked him if he had been starving himself.  
Graham nonchalanty said yes.  
Damon couldn't believe it. He started crying. He couldn't understand why someone like Graham would starve themselve.  
He hugged Graham tightly and he could feel how bony he'd gotten.  
Graham smiled and placed his razor in Damons hand.  
He said he wanted him to take it so he wouldn't be tempted to cut.  
Damon put the razor in his pocket. He carried Graham to his room and the second he layed him down in his bed he passed out.  
Damon started searching his room for more razors.  
He found 5.  
He also found bottles of painkillers and heroin. Damon was a heroin addict himself but worried about what could happen if Graham paired the painkillers with alcohol.  
Then he looked under his bed and found dozens of empty vodka bottles.  
Damon couldn't handle it anymore and ran out.  
He didn't know what he could do to help him.  
Then Dave came in with take out. Dave placed the food on table and asked where everyone was. Damon told him that Graham was passed out and Alex was at a party. Damon took his food to his room.  
He ate it quickly and then walked to his bathroom and locked the door. He kneeled down in front of the toilet. He shoved both his fingers down his throat and he gagged a little before throwing up his food.  
When he was finished he walked into the living room and saw Dave sitting on the couch watching TV.  
Damon sat down next to him. He told Dave about Graham. Dave wasn't really that shocked about his self harming.  
He told Damon that he had caught him doing it a few days ago and Graham had made him promise to keep it a secret.  
Damon was slightly upset with Dave. He asked Dave what they should do about him.  
Dave said that they should confront him about it when he woke up.  
They waited for Graham to wake up.  
In a drunken stupor Graham walked into the living room and layed down on the floor.  
Dave grabbed him and sat him down on the couch. Damon told Graham that he was worried about him and that he needs help. Graham told Damon that he was healthy and didn't need help. Damon couldn't understand how he could possibly think that.  
Dave told Graham that he needed to dirnk less and that his drinking problem had spiraled out of control. Graham said that he didn't have a drinking problem.  
Dave told Graham that drinking two bottles of vodka a day and excessive day drinking counted as a drinking problem.  
Graham had no response.  
I asked Graham if he had an eating disorder. He said that he does but it won't hurt or kill him.  
Dave told Graham that starving himself could definitely kill him. Graham said that he just needed to starve himself until he's thin.  
Graham was already rail thin. His emaciated state was hard to stomach.  
His ribs were visible through his shirt and he was really tiny and thin.  
Damon didn't know what else he could do. He walked off and went to his room.  
Damon felt so lost. His worries raced through his head. How are they gonna help Graham? When will Graham realise he has a problem? Why is Graham doing this to himself?  
A few hours Dave walked into Damons room. Damon assumed it was to talk about Graham.  
Dave told Damon he knew he was bulimic.


	2. Chapter 2

Damon was shocked. Damon asked Dave how he found out. Dave told him he had heard Damon puking a lot. He also noticed that Damon had been losing lots of weight. Dave said after finding out Graham is anorexic he realised him and Damon had been using the same excuses.   
Damon didn't know what to say. He told Dave to leave so he could have some time by himself. Dave agreed but told him he'd be keeping a closer eye on him.  
Graham was sleeping on the living room floor. Dave sighed,picked him up and took him to his bed.   
The next morning Alex was back home and passed out on the couch from a cocaine binge. Graham walked into the kitchen to get something to drink. He gets a bottle of vodka and starts from drinking straight from the bottle. He stumbles into the living room. Alex wakes up and sees Graham.   
Alex tells Graham he shouldn't be drinking this early especially not vodka. Graham yells at Alex that he should keep his mouth shut about Grahams drinking if he's out till 4 in the morning doing coke. Alex gets pisssed,storms off to his room and slams the door.   
Graham continued to drink. Damon woke up and wandered into the living room. When he saw Graham drinking vodka straight out of the bottle at 11 in the morning he almost couldn't believe it. He yanked the bottle out of Grahams hand. Graham asked Damon why be did that. Damon yelled at Graham that he shouldn't be day drinking. Graham then told Damon that there's nothing wrong with day drinking. Damon rolled his eyes and stormed off to his room. He poured out the vodka in his bathroom sink. He knew Graham was just gonna get another bottle and just start drinking again but he just sighed knowing nothing could stop Graham from drinking. He just layed down on his bed hoping he could fall asleep again and not have to deal with Grahams drinking problem or Dave trying to "help" him with his bulimia. Damons shirt had rode up and Damon wasn't able to see any of his ribs but he could see the outline of his ribcage. This wasn't enough for Damon. He wanted to be so thin that all his ribs would be visible.   
Dave walked into his room and Damon quickly pulled down his shirt. Dave told Damon that if he wanted to get better he should probably try to eat something and keep it down. Damon told Dave that he didn't need to get better and that he wanted to be thinner. Dave rolled his eyes and walked out frustrated. Damon then fell asleep.  
When he woke up Alex walked into his room and told him that Dave had gotten food.   
Damon walked into the kitchen. He got some food and tried to take it back to his room. Dave put his hand on Damons shoulder and told him that he couldn't let him do that. Damon asked why and Dave   
told him that he didn't want him to throw up his food. Damon rolled his eyes and took his food into his room anyways. Dave sighed wondering what he could do for Damon. After Damon ate and puked up his food and walked into the living room and sat next to Graham. He put his head on his shoulder. He noticed that Graham had a few new scars on his wrist. He didn't know what to say or do. He just put his arm around him. Graham was so pretty. Graham got up and went to the kitchen to get something to drink. Damon followed him into the kitchen. Graham took out a bottle of vodka and started drinking from it. Damon wanted to grab the bottle from him but he knew he would just get more alcohol. Damon then got a bad chest pain. He had to sit down and Dave took notice. He asked Damon if he was feeling alright. Damon lied and said yes. Dave shook his head and walked away knowing Damon was lying. Alex walked out the front door telling Damon and Graham that he'd be going out to a party. Alex had been using lots of cocaine lately.   
Graham sat down at the table. Damon could see how thin he was getting. His face was thin and angular. He looked really tired. Graham walked into his room and shut the door. Worrying that Graham would hurt himself again,he opened Grahams bedroom door.  
And saw him shooting up.  
Damon sat down on Grahams bed and asked if he could get some heroin.  
Graham was shocked,but he agreed and gave Damon some heroin. Damon shot up and so did Graham. They fell asleep together on Grahams bed.  
The next day Damon woke up but Graham was still sleeping. He layed back down and cuddled with Graham. He could feel just how thin he was getting. He could feel how exposed his ribs were. He wanted to help him get over his eating disorder but he felt Graham wouldn't listen to him if he knew he was bulimic. He wanted to tell Graham but he knew he could never help Graham if he did. He got up and walked into the living room. Dave was sitting in there. Dave looked at Damon suspiciously. He asked Damon if he has been using heroin. Damon nonchalanty said yes. Dave shook his head and told Damon that doing heroin would kill him. Damon rolled his eyes and went to his room and shut the door.  
Graham walked in a while later. He layed down on Damons bed. Damon knew he had to tell him. Damon told Graham he was bulimic. Graham couldn't believe it. He hugged Damon tightly.  
He told Damon he was already beautiful the way he was. Damon loved Graham but belived Graham was lying to him. He thought he needed to be even thinner. He couldn't see he was already too thin. Damon said there was also something else he needed to confess to him. Graham asked him what it was.  
Damon told Graham that he loved him.


	3. Chapter 3

Graham blushed vividly. He smiled and told Damon he loved him too. They both giggled and started kissing.  
Meanwhile Alex walked into the house and layed down on the couch and fell asleep. Dave walked in,sighed and carried him to his room and layed him down in his bed.   
He walked into Damons room and saw Graham and Damon cuddling together. He smiled and walked out.  
He decided that he should order some food. When it arrived he called Damon,Graham and alex to the kitchen. Alex walked in first. He was really excited and happy. Dave immediately recognized that Alex was high on cocaine. Alex sat down at the table and he got a nose bleed. Damon and Graham walked in together. Damon looked at Graham when they sat down and he could tell anoerxioa was talking a drastic toll on Graham. His face was starting to look hollow and he could see some of his ribs through his loose fitting shirt. His hair looked dry and brittle.  
Damon didn't look much better. He was becoming as thin as Graham. His face was slightly puffy and swollen from purging. He looked absolutely miserable and tired.   
Graham refused to eat anything. Dave looked worried and told Graham that he should eat something because he hadn't had a full meal in weeks. Graham told dave that he wasn't hungry and left the table. Dave sighed and looked disappointed. Damon finished all of his food but before he could get to his room Dave told him that he knew he was gonna purge and he wanted him to stay in the living room for at least an hour so Dave could keep an eye on him. Damon told Dave he didn't have a problem. Dave yelled at him about how this could kill him and how sick he looked. Damon shook his head and called him a liar. Dave grabbed Damon and dragged him to the bathroom. He placed him right in front of the mirror so Damon could see how just how sick he looked. He had bags under his eyes and he looked he hadn't slept in weeks. Unfortunately Damon still couldn't see he had a problem when it was staring him right in the face. He was deep in denial. Damon said he needed to check on Graham and Dave let him go to his room as that was were Graham was laying down. Graham was fast asleep. Damon walked into the bathroom that was attached to his room. He kneeled down in front of his toilet and threw up all his food.  
Meanwhile Dave was alone in his room wondering what to do about everyone. Dave and Damon were starving themselves to death and Alex was snorting massive amounts of cocaine and staying out till 4 am at wild parties and coming home high. They were all adicted to hard drugs and Dave didn't know what to do.   
When Graham woke up he smelled the strong smell of Vomit. He assumed Damon had purgedand wanted time alone in the bathroom. Graham reached into the drawer of Damons nightstand and grabbed some of his heroin. He shot up and he softly moaned as the heroin filled his veins. He sprawled out on the bed and he saw something that made him smile.  
His ribs.  
They were perfectly outlined and he could easily count all of them. He stomach was completely flat and starting to cave in. He looked fragile. He thought he still looked fat. He still wanted to be thinner. He didn't care that sometimes when he would walk his legs would be too weak to support him and collapse out from under him. Neither did Damon. All they cared about was about being thin. The couldn't see they already were. As the heroin hit his blood stream he felt nothing but pleasure. He moaned again. This felt amazing.   
Dave stormed in the room worried about Damon. The second he saw the full extent of Grahams emaciated state his focus switched completely. He sat Graham up and asked him the last time he ate something. Graham told him he couldn't remember. Dave started to panic. He put his hand on Grahams shoulder and asked him why he was starving himself. Graham told him that he needed to lose weight and that didn't want to gain weight. Dave looked at Grahams toothpick thin legs and sighed. He was sick. He didn't know what he could do for him. He knew he deserved help but he didn't know how to give it to him. He didn't know if anyone could. He hugged Graham tightly. His shoulder blades poked into Dave. Graham was so tiny. He probably didn't weigh over 99 pounds. Graham fell asleep in his arms. He tucked him into bed. He walked up to the bathroom door and lightly knocked not wanting to wake up Graham. He got no response or reply and knocked harder. Frustrated by the lack of response he knocked even harder. His frustration quickly turned to worry as he was greeted by no reply again. He tried to kick the door in. When this failed he didn't know what to do. He tried and failed again. He started pacing thinking about how to get the door open. He tried to slam into the door but it failed. He sat on the floor beginning to panic. He began to breathe heavily and fast. He began to feel his chest getting tighter. He began crying out of fear. He felt so nervous he could puke. He knew he had to get the door open no matter how hard it is.  
He slamed into the bathroom door again and nothing happened.   
Alex walked in and asked what all the noise was about. Dave told him about everything. Alex slamed into the door and saw something that made them stare in disbelief.  
Damon had fainted.


	4. Chapter 4

Dave tried ran to the phone in the living room to call an ambulance but Alex stopped him and said they should drive Damon there themselves. Dave agreed and carried Damon to the car. On the way to the hospital Graham began to have a panic attack. Alex tried to calm him down but it didn't work.  
When they got to the hospital Graham still hadn't calmed down and had only gotten worse. Alex told Dave to bring Graham in himself and that he'd stay in the car with Graham.  
Dave agreed and carried Damon into the hospital. They did some tests on him and brought him to a private room.  
Graham had calmed down a bit and was able to go inside. Alex and him asked the receptionist where Graham was and a nurse brought them to his room.  
Damon was still passed out. The doctors said as soon as he wakes up they could take him home. Dave asked if they could keep him for a little longer to help him. The doctor agreed. Damon woke up a few hours later. He was confused at first. He asked where he was and Dave told him that he had passed out and he was in the hospital. Damon asked Dave if he looked any thinner. Dave told him that he looked much,much thinner. Damon smiled then Dave shook his head told him that it was an awful thing especially when he was already a healthy weight. Damon rolled his eyes and said he didn't believe him. Dave harshly told him that kind of attitude is exactly what landed him in the hospital. Graham looked down in shame blaming himself for Damons illness. Damon got up to use the bathroom that was attached to the room. Dave heard Damon making himself sick and picked Damon up and carried him back to his bed.  
He told Damon that he was here to get better not make himself sick. Damon shook his head and said that he still needed to be thinner. Dave got even more upset and smacked him.  
Graham couldn't believe it and Alexs jaw dropped.  
Damons eyes began to tear up and he told Dave he was sorry. Dave immediately began to regret what he'd done. He told Damon that he was simply frustrated and upset and hugged Damon tightly as he began to tear up.  
Damon asked if he could go home now. Dave slightly smiled and said yes.  
When they got home Dave carried Damon to his bed and layed him down. Graham tried to cuddle with Damon but Dave dragged him into the kitchen. Dave was shocked and disgusted at how thin Grahams arm was. Dave sat Graham down at the table. Graham asked him what he was doing. Dave replied that seeing Damon in the hospital made him worry about Damon but then he realized that Graham was even sicker than Damon. Graham rolled his eyes but anyone expect him could see that it was true. His collarbones jutted out so much it made everyone worry. His legs were pretty much twigs and his face was pale and starting to cave in. He didn't look healthy at all.  
Dave got out some left over food from the fridge. He placed it on the table in front of Graham. Dave told Graham that he wanted him to eat it. Graham shook his hood and told Dave no. Dave told Graham that everyone was really worried about him. Graham looked really sad. Dave sighed knowing that he wasn't gonna get him to eat and put the food away. Graham went to bed and cuddled up next to Damon.  
The next morning Dave woke up before everyone else. Dave looked for Alex around the house but couldn't find him. He the realized that he still hadn't got home yet. It began to become clear to Dave how serious Alex's cocaine problem had gotten. He went out to a party only an hour after one of his best friends came home from the hospital and still hadn't got home at 9 in the morning. Dave was stressed out. He didn't know what to do.  
When Damon woke up a few hours later woke up and he went into the bathroom to shave. He noticed that his face was more swollen than usual. He couldn't stand to look at his reflection anymore. His bulimia cheeks weren't the only reason that he couldn't stand looking at himself. He thought he was fat. No matter he thin he got all he could see in the mirror was fat. He couldn't see that he was almost as skinny as Graham. He couldn't see that his ribs were begging to show. He changed into some new clothes and he had to borrow a belt from Graham after his pants refused to stay up. He walked into the living room where Dave had sat down to watch TV. Dave looked at Damon and noticed his swollen face. Dave didn't want to be rude so he prenteded he didn't notice. Alex walked in the front door and went straight to his room. Dave knew that he was probably still high and decided not to confront him yet. Dave looked at Damon and asked him if he felt any better. Damon said that he did. Dave wanted to try to get Damon to eat something but he knew he'd just throw it up afterwards. He wondered if Damons family knew about his problems. He'd want to know if one of his family members bulimic and did drugs. He got up and walked into Damons room. He looked through Damons night stand and found his address book. Sure enough he found the phone numbers of Damons parents in it. He debated whether or not to call them. He decided that he'd rather them find out now than them have to find out in the fucking NME.  
He tried to call them but they weren't home at the moment. He dreaded having to tell them about Damons illness. He knew they already knew about his drug use but he didn't know how they'd react to their son having a severe eating disorder. He walked back into the living room and sat down next to Damon and noticed he had little rashes on his knuckles. He remembered from health class that bulimics get those from making themselves throw up.  
Graham woke up and walked into the bathroom. He started into the mirror and stared at his face. He had bags under his eyes and his face was beginning to look skeletal. He walked out of the bathroom and into the living room. He tried to walk to the couch but his legs collapsed out from under him.  
And he couldn't get up.


	5. Chapter 5

Dave went to help Graham up. When Graham got on his feet he fell down again. Dave sighed and carried him to his bed.  
Damon was incredibly worried. He went to check on Graham. Graham looked so fragile and rail thin. He was pale and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.   
Damon layed down next to Graham to cuddle with him. When he wrapped his arms around him he could feel so many bones sticking out it made Damon immensely nervous.  
Dave attempted to call Damons parents again. This time they picked up. Damons mom,Hazel, asked who was calling. Dave told Hazel that it was him and he had some bad news. Hazel frowned and asked what it was.  
Dave told her everything.  
Hazel couldn't believe it. She told Dave she'd be at their house in a few hours to check up on Damon. Dave hung up and smiled hoping Hazel could help Damon.   
A few hours later there was a knock at the door and sure enough it was Hazel. Hazel asked where Damon was. Dave woke Damon up who had fallen asleep next to Graham. He informed him that his mom was here. Damon panicked hoping his mother wouldn't be too worried about him.   
Damon walked out of Grahams room to greet his mom. Hazel was aghast at how thin and sick Damon was.  
She began to sob and hugged her son tightly. She began to cry even harder when she was able to feel his ribs and other bones. Damon looked down in shame. Hazel walked Damon to his room and he sat down on the edge of his bed.   
Hazel sat down next to him and started to cry again after she got a full view of his emaciated condition. His face was not gaunt and hollow like Grahams it was still swollen and puffy. Damon felt awful for making his mom cry. Hazel hugged her son tightly again.  
She asked how such a talented young man could do something like this to himself. He couldn't tell her he did it to impress a boy. His refusal to answer only made Hazel even more upset.   
Hazel said she would be taking him to the hospital for a check up to see if he was alright. He cringed as he told his mom he was just in the hospital.  
His mom burst into tears. She asked why he still did this to himself if it nearly got him killed. Damon shook his head and said it wasn't gonna kill him and there was nothing to be worried about.  
Hazel started sobbing. She said that she had to leave because it hurt to watch her son kill himself like this.  
After Hazel left Damon was racked with guilt. He still didn't really think he had a problem but it still hurt him to see his mom cry like that.  
He didn't know what to do. Dave walked in Damons room with sympathetic look on his face. He sat down next to Damon and hugged him.  
He knew it must hurt to see your mom in tears and especially to be the cause of it. Damon smiled and thanked Dave. Dave told Damon that maybe that this was a sign he had a problem. Damon shook his head and told Dave he didn't have a problem. Dave sighed knowing Damon was sick and that he couldn't get mad at him.  
He told Damon he should get some rest and left his room.  
He went to Grahams room to check up on him.  
Graham was awake now but he was still laying in bed. Dave tried to help him to stand up but his legs  
collapsed out from under him again. Dave carefully suggested he should try to eat something to get his strength up. Graham told Dave that he wouldn't eat anything. Dave left the room quickly. He knew if he saw Graham in his severely emaciated state denying that he had a problem for any longer he'd start crying.  
Alex walked in the front door high. Dave rolled his eyes and asked where he was. Alex froze up and told him he was at a friends house. Dave noticed that Alex had some bruises and choke marks on his neck. Dave went from mad to sympathetic.  
Everything started to add up to Dave. The staying out late, his constant jumpiness,how he isolated himself from everyone else now and why he always seemed so depressed.  
He was in an abusive relationship.  
Alex ran off to his room and shut the door. Dave didn't know he could say or do to help.  
Alex called everyone into the living room. Dave carried Graham into the living room and Damon walked in after them. Alex had put makeup on to cover the bruises and choke marks  
He said he has great news.  
He had a girlfriend.  
Damon congratulated him and so did Graham. Dave bit his tongue not wanting to say anything to about his bruises.  
Alex walked into his room and shut the door. Dave walked in after him and told Alex he wanted to talk to him. Alex weakly forced a smile and said sure.  
Dave asked about his bruises. Alex started to panic and told Dave that he just got into a fight at the party. Dave with doubt in his voice asked why he had choke marks.  
Tears began to build up in Alexs eyes. He told Dave that his girlfriend got mad at him and had choked him. Alex told Dave not to worry because he deserved it. Dave trying to hold back his tears asked what he could've possibly done to get choked. Alex told him that he had spilled a drink on the kitchen counter. Dave tearfully asked Alex how long they've been seeing each other. Alex awenswrd about a month. He also confessed she hit him quite a lot and he covered it up with makeup. Dave shook his head and had to leave his room to keep himself from crying.  
Dave decided he should try to get Graham to eat something again. He brought some food to his room. Graham claimed he felt too sick to eat anything. Dave rolled his eyes and knew his "sickness" was simply from drinking way too much. He told Graham just to eat it when he felt better.   
He decided to check up on Damon. He noticed he was sleeping shirtless. He was sleeping on top of his blanket. Dave went to place him under the sheets and he was shocked by what he saw up close.  
He was nearly skeletal.


End file.
